The Same Pain, Not The Same Story
After enduring the unimaginable loss of her twin boys, she conceived again—only to discover that her child had been diagnosed with HIE, a condition that would make her entirely dependent on them for life.
Written by Tina Magallon
My sister approached me 2 years ago to speak as a panelist at her church event called, ‘The Story I’ll Tell.’ I wasn’t sure if I would connect with anyone. No one experienced a miscarriage that then resulted in a traumatic time having a disabled child 1 year later that I knew of. How would they understand my battle? So, showing up as my authentic self was all I could do. As each one of the panelists shared, there was a common theme, vulnerability. It was in vulnerability where the similarities shined through. The same stands for today.
We don’t have the same stories. What we do have is the same pain. We have experienced grief in some form or another, and those overlapping feelings is what connects our souls. There’s a look, a vibe, an aura, that is unexplainable between us, but we recognize a warrior when we see one.
Family and friends did their best to comfort us during our miscarriage of our twin boys. When we had our first child 1 year later and learned she would be disabled and dependent on us for life, they were with us every step of the way. But I know I am not by myself when I say, “it’s just not the same.” Unfortunately, during the early stages of our pain, the habitual trigger mixed with trauma didn’t allow room for awareness. No one could say the right thing. It took 2 years of therapy for me to make sense of and like humanity again. That’s when I noticed how brokenhearted our family and friends were for us. How this was their first journey of experience alongside us.
Once the waves started calming in our life and we learned a “new normal,” I could see the caring intentions. But traumatic grief has a way of fogging your vision and that’s okay. Just don’t stay blurred for too long. When you’re ready, wipe the tears from your eyes to clear your vision, and surrender to healing in whatever way feels necessary. Whether that’s seeking therapy to speak with someone, music, painting, exercise, or etc. Life does realign and you will breathe again. You will not be the same, but an evolution of who you used to be. What has scarred you is now your story to tell as you wish. No one grasps the concept of pain strengthens and fear drives faith more than a fellow warrior who has walked through the fire of grief. Those are the people I want in my corner, because when I feel like there’s nowhere to turn, they’ll be right there with me saying, “I got you.” That type of love is different. Now it’s your turn to begin…
Afterthoughts
A guest submission means the world to me and it makes so many thoughts come over me, in addition to and in encouragement of what you’ve just read.
Postscript: The Same Pain, Not the Same Story
I have known Tina for a long time. Around 20 years, I think. We used to work together at a chain restaurant that everyone knows. She is a lot younger than I am and back then, I was knee deep in life, and all the things that come with raising young children, a not so stable household, and lots of stress. I do not remember too many specifics from over 20 years ago, but I do have core feelings. Core feelings, to me are great. You have a true and transparent memory, good or bad. And my core memories remind me that Tina worked harder than most of our coworkers, she was quiet until you got to know her, and I do remember Tina always being in a good mood and happy. If Tina ever had a bad day, I do not remember her ever letting us see her sweat.
One of the truest fortunes of social media is being able to be in contact and stay connected with people in our lives past and present. I cannot remember when we both left our corporate restaurant gig, but I am grateful for being able to stay connected with Tina and her family.
I have been fortunate enough to stay connected with Tina on socials and I will always read her posts and follow her journey. She is a strong woman. Even before she entered motherhood. I remember her always being sure of herself, and didn’t tolerate anyone’s BS.
When Tina had her first traumatic experience with the loss of their twins, I paid closer attention to Tina’s journey. When her family celebrates the wins and joys with Olivia, I cheer her on from my world! I’ve hoped to help her by reposting her socials, and I have always hoped she noticed my support. Not because of any self-serving prospects. When I decided to start MSHS, I knew for sure that I would have contributors. I knew that there are so many stories of child loss and grieving, and I knew that I was going to ask Tina to be my first contributor/guest writer. When she accepted, I was overjoyed. She is amazing. Her family, I have never met in person, but, I know I hope to soon.
I hope you enjoy Tina’s entry. I hope you learn from it. Whether it is learning about HIE, or the other parts of Tina’s story and her kiddos and husband.
THANKS XOXO
BRI
I wasn’t sure if I would connect with anyone. No one experienced a miscarriage that then resulted in a traumatic time having a disabled child 1 year later that I knew of. How would they understand my battle? So, showing up as my authentic self was all I could do. As each one of the panelists shared, there was a common theme, vulnerability. It was in vulnerability where the similarities shined through. The same stands for today.